Mikey: hi
Mikey: where from?
Me: its in the profile, along with all the other FAQ answers like 'do you have a pic?'
Mikey: do u like younger men?
Me: depends on how mature they are
Me: 5 years isn't a huge age difference!
Mikey: I am looking for a friend with benefits, is that completely out of the questioin?
Me: benefits? Like health insurance? Paid vacations? Stock options?
Mikey: hahaha
Mikey: Like massages, kissing, sex, foreplay
Me: I don't even know you, why would I want to do THAT with you??
Mikey: I am asking if you are opposed to that type of relationship?
Mikey: I am looking for a friend with benefits, are u?
Me: I don't know if you've realized this yet or not, but if you are female with a net connection (not unlike myself), I get offers like yours at least twice a day. It's not hard to find someone to have meaningless physical relationships with.
Mikey: well maybe it isn't for you
Me: men today have strange ideas about romance...i.e. asking if I would be up for 'splitting half the cost for a hotel room'...
Mikey: if we were ever to get a hotel room I would pay for it
Me: I'm not saying such a thing WOULD happen, but why not just go back to your house?
Mikey: I have a roommate
Me: a female roommate? Named 'Mom'??
Mikey: no a male one
Me: so? You don't want him to know you are getting lucky?
Mikey: no, I respect his privacy
Mikey: The only way I would do it, is if we planned it and I told him before
Me: allllllrighty
Me: but since I don't meet strangers off the net for sex...
Mikey: Well I am gonna say goodbye, cuz you are just WAY too good for me
Me: you got that right! Ciao!
Iss4u24: into hot phone?
Me: sure, I'll get it nice and hot then shove it up your ass, how's that?

Trucker: good evening! how r u?
Me: hi. Fine thanks and you?
Trucker: whats up?
Me: not much
Trucker: ahhhh ok...
Trucker: please feel free to ask me anything!
Me: um... you messaged me...I assumed you wanted to talk about something
Trucker: yeah I know..But I just want to let u know u can talk to me about anything if u want to
Trucker: I havent looked at your profile yet...
Me: oh ok
Me: just picked the first name you saw and started typing, eh?
Trucker: wouldnt say that...
Me: just giving you a hard time
Trucker: or a hard something.. LOL
Me: give me a break
Trucker: lol
Trucker: see? hard up..not a hard time!! HAHAHAHA
(long pause)
Me: did your weenie wilt?
Trucker: later
Me: aww, I want hear about your sexual inadequacies
Me: really!
Me: I care
Me: has impotence been a lifelong problem for you?
Trucker: LOL no no no...lets hear yours 1st
Me: I'm not the one discussing the turgidity of various body parts
Me: looks like the issues are all yours!

del: busy?..check my XXX cock on my profile!!
Me: thanks, I'll do that. I could use a good laugh

AL: hi there, do u have a pic I could see?
Me: ask your wife
AL: whatever
Me: that's what she said, which is why you are looking for pics, eh?
AL: atttitude problem? bad nite?
Me: don't like married guys bugging me!
AL: just asked a simple queston, sorryeeee

BBM: HI
Me: hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
BBM: AGE
Me: 53
BBM: 23
Me: oops I mean 38
BBM: YES I LIKE OLD WOMAN
BBM: YOU GOT A PIC
Me: a pic of an old woman?
BBM: YOU
Me: I'm not an old woman
BBM: NO YOU YOUNG I LIKE YOUNG WOMAN
Me: I'm 28
BBM: YOU YOUNG HUN
Me: I feel old.
BBM: NO
BBM: CAN I CALL YOU
Me: call me what?
BBM: ON THE PHON
BBM: ME NAME IS DAN
Me: hi Dan
Me: where from
BBM: ROMULUS ,MI
BBM: AND YOU
Me: Jackson
BBM: COOL
BBM: CAN I CALL YOU
BBM: HI
Me: why do you want to call me
BBM: TO TALK
Me: about?
BBM: ALL
Me: phone sex?
BBM: OK
Me: no I don't want to have phone sex with you, what is your problem??

DWN: do you have a pic?
Me: lots of them, what would you like? Sunsets, cemeteries
DWN: of you silly girl
Me: aynnee.tripod.com
Me: there ya go
DWN: ok

cap: hello , how ur doing?..31 male takes pics of himself as we chat
Me: cool. I would like to see your right earlobe and both your elbows, please.
cap: sorry what?...explain pls
Me: cap: hello , how ur doing?..31 male takes pics of himself as we chat
Me: take pics of your earlobe and both of your elbows please
Me: RIGHT earlobe
cap: yes ok..but how do u want the pix?
Me: or don't I get to see them?
cap: u will
Me: is that the deal? You just like to take pictures and chat; we don't get to see the pics?
cap: u will, let me get the camera
cap: we?
Me: The elbow and earlobe appreciation society of metro Detroit!
Me: you have never heard of us?
Me: we are having our weekly meeting right now, what a coincidence that you happened to message us!
Me: sooooo...where are the pictures??
Me: you tease
Me: we are disappointed

Suagerdaddy: HELLO
Suagerdaddy: SO WHY ARE YOU HATTING ON ME
Me: I did not put a hat on you!
Me: I'm assuming that's what 'hatting' is; placing a hat on someone that does not want a hat on them
Suagerdaddy: WOULD YOU WAN TO CHAT THEN
Me: I don't need a SUGAR daddy. But thanks anyway

Oppihaekilgnuh: hi anni, i'm dave
Me: hi
Me: what does your sn mean?
Oppihaekilgnuh: hung like a hippo backwards
Me: oooooooh
Oppihaekilgnuh: everything else was taken
Me: didn't know they were hung!
Me: most men are hung like gorillas
Oppihaekilgnuh: and how are they hung
Me: if a woman tells you your dick is as big as a gorillas, its not a compliment
Oppihaekilgnuh: k
Oppihaekilgnuh: where do ya live
Me: whatever the location in the profile is
Me: don't remember
Me: I move a lot
Me: wherever the car stops is where I stay for the night
Oppihaekilgnuh: I see
Oppihaekilgnuh: where's the car stopped tonight?
Me: the driveway of my house!
Me: I managed to find my way home
Me: I'm blonde, hence easily bewildered
Oppihaekilgnuh: you deserve a cookie
Me: mm, cookies
Me: you sure know how to sweet talk the fat girls

Afg: interested in a very hot 19m with a cam, pics, and a 10 inch dick?
Me: no, are you interested in one?

Tony: HELLO (location deleted) MALE HERE
Me: hi. don't shout, its late
Tony: sorry
Tony: are you looking to meet ?
Me: meet? I don't even know you!
Tony: i know..........
Me: so you are looking to meet someone right now, this very minute?
Tony: sure........
Tony: where are you at ?
Me: that wasn't where I was going with that...
Tony: ok
Tony: do you want to meet ??
Me: I'm just wondering... what made you think I would be agreeable to something like that?
Tony: just asking........
Me: I know nothing about you and its 1 am.
Tony: true...........
Tony: thats whats good about it......
Me: it appears you are playing the odds; if you ask enough women to meet you, sight unseen, at 1am, eventually one will say yes
Me: and if the odds are *really* in your favor, you might even get laid!
Me: am I wrong?
Tony: true..but thats why im asking you.where are you at ?
Me: 1. I do not meet strange men after 5 minutes of chat. 2. Even if I did know you after talking to you for a while, I would not leave the house at 1 am to meet you. 3. I do not meet strange men for sex. Period.
Me: As fun as this has been, I'm ignoring you now. Nighty!

Member NaMe: Karl
Sex: Male
Marital Status: Very Married
Hobbies: Bowling, My Kids, Bowing, My Wife, Bowling, My Kids, Bowling, Bowling,................................and Bowling
Computers: Mine
Occupation: Employed
Karl: hello are you a buxom lady
Me: its like I have a couple of bowling balls in my shirt
Me: is your wife buxom?
Me: how about your kids, are they buxom?
Me: what would they think if they knew their daddy was on the computer asking strange women if they were buxom?

Sebas24: Yah Baby...Yah..Baaabbbbyyyy!!!.....I'm hot looking with pics in my profile to prove it...i got more then one also.....no fake the real deal..BMW CONV.....I love to SMOKE DOWN.....and i love TRANCE and DANCE....lets meet up if your GAME?
Me: *yeawn*
Me: not tonight, its 'that time of the month'

sir: u want to help me? i will take all the help i can get?
Me: what kind of help do you need?
sir: what ever kinda help u want to give me?
Me: Shot of Vitamin A(tivan)?
sir: no
Me: that usually helps smooth out the bumps
sir: i hate vitamins
Me: you don't know what Ativan is? How do you know you won't like it?
sir: no
sir: sorry
Me: ah ok
Me: how about a swift kick in the pants, will that help?
Me: or a slow kick, if you prefer that
sir: i would like that a lot
Me: are you one of those guys that likes being kicked in the nads?
sir: no
Me: oh ok
Me: because there are a lot of males out there who are in to silliness
like that
Me: so, was this conversation of any help to you?
sir: no
sir: what could i do to make u happy?
Me: how much money do you have?
sir: why u a hooker?
Me: 500$ would make me happy
sir: why is that?
Me: 100$ would amuse me
sir: i have 100
Me: 50$ might raise an eyebrow
sir: i have a 100
Me: give me your 100$, I will be happy then
Me: would you like my PO box number?
Me: or should I collect it in person
sir: what u gonna do for me to get 100$
sir: where u from anyway?
Me: oh, so it's about you now?
Me: a minute ago you asked what you could do to make me happy
Me: and I told you, 'give me money!'
sir: what would you let me do for you.. to make u happy other than give u money?
Me: you can buy me things
Me: prezzies are always nice
sir: what would you like?
Me: can't go wrong with jewelry
Me: flatscreen monitor
Me: how about a months supply of diet Pepsi and mountain dew?
sir: anything else..
sir: u like sex?
Me: no.
Me: I'm a virgin
sir: u hate sex?
sir: i am not a virgin
sir: ur
Me: ur?
Me: like the ancient Mesopotamian civilization?
sir: ok cool
Me: what does that have to do with sex?
sir: talk to me
Me: still trying to figure out how Ur worked its way into this conversation
sir: i dunno
Me: you brought it up...sir: ur
Me: seeeeeeeeeee?
sir: ur a virgin?
Me: of course, don't a lot of people save it for marriage??
Sir: nope
Me: I heard a lot of people meet off the net for the sole purpose of having sex, also. Is this true?
sir: kinda
Me: kinda? Is that a yes, or a no?
sir: both yes and no
Me: and more importantly, are you one of the people that engage in such behavior?
Me: having sex with a stranger you met online
sir: if the girl wanted to?
Me: you have sex with women you don't know
sir: no i do not
Me: women who could have God knows what disease
Me: herpes, crotch rot (this is a real disease, who knew!), hepatitis, not to mention HIV...
Me: no comment?
sir: no comment
Me: guilty as charged, eh?
sir: if people were careful and used condoms and other such we would never have this problem
Me: just remember...no love without the glove!
sir: i know that
Me: and then some women will give you a condom with a hole poked in it so they can get pregnant
Me: or con you into giving them abortion money
sir: that is why i buy my own condoms and use them!
Me: or are last names and phone numbers/addresses not exchanged during this whole lurid encounter so the other party is untraceable?
sir: i always give out my phone number
sir: and work number
Me: so they can track you down if they get pregnant? wow. cool.
sir: yes
Me: seems like most guys would just run, run, run!
sir: no i accept resposnibility
Me: how many kids do you have?
sir: 0
Me: then there is child support....
sir: u think i am stupid?
Me: 18 years (19.5 if they are enrolled in high school to that age, last I knew) of child support payments for one night of sex with a strange person met on the net
sir: that is true
Me: and why do you ask if I think you are stupid?
sir: just curious
sir: we were taught all about condoms and safe sex in school mommy
Me: I'm still wondering about the whole u and ur thing...
Me: mommy? No thanks, I'm not into games like that.
sir: u are acting just like my mom
Me: why, because we both realize that sex with strange people is a risky proposition?
sir: she had sex with a strange person and that is where i came out at
Me: and I reiterate....
Me: anyhoo...
sir: ok
Me: you don't think its a bit insulting to myself or any other female when you message them solely for the purpose of seeing if they are interested in meeting for sex?
Me: never thought about it from that angle, have you
sir: yes i have and people message me everyday wanting sex?
Me: well why don't you take them up on their offer instead of contacting me?
Me: I don't play games like that.
Me: sex with strangers...really....I'm beyond all that.

Donbrasco315: hello
Me: hi
Donbrasco315: how are you
Donbrasco315: my name is don
Me: nice to meet you don
Donbrasco315: where are you from
Me: michigan
Donbrasco315: describe yourself
Me: easily bored by people that IM me and dont have a lot to say

BELLKEEPER: near lets snuggle up for abit
Me: ok whats your address
Me: well?
BELLKEEPER: well im near det honey so we better not start caaling each othe rnames just yet oxoxoxxo lol
Me: what is your address, ill be right over so we can cuddle
Me: or snuggle up
Me: whichever way of saying it you prefer
Me: ill come over
Me: whats your address
Me: well? how can i come over and snuggle if you wont tell me where you live?
BELLKEEPER: it might take you even a tough girl like your self about 4 hours
BELLKEEPER: imaginary
Me: to get to where you live? no way man, im in westland
Me: i can be there in 1/2 hour
BELLKEEPER: baloney
BELLKEEPER: are you near det
Me: westland!
BELLKEEPER: well that is about 1/2 an hour away listen to you
Me: i can be there in a half hour
Me: why, is your wife going to care if I'm there snuggling with you?
BELLKEEPER: im sure she would
BELLKEEPER: how bout yours
Me: i dont have a wife, I'm not a lesbian
Me: so why are you asking me to come over if you know it will piss off your wife?
BELLKEEPER: reaching out to another human being being for support and warmth is not as evil as your condescending self would like like to belief
BELLKEEPER: you have a know-it-all vibe that is mean spirited
BELLKEEPER: and if i really wanted to cheat on my wife it wouldnt be over a computer screen
Me: 1. i DO happen to know it all
Me: 2. married guys looking to skeeve around on their wives are my #1 pet peeve
Me: 3. Guys bugging me for cyber runs a close second
Me: 4. I'm not condescending; i really am better than you.
Me: go to bed, your wife misses you

BigDog: hello , send me your pic
Me: hello, go pound sand up your ass
Me: are you always this pushy?
BigDog: didnt mean to be
Me: you send me YOUR picture. if i like it, ill consider sending mine

Chrstnafamm: Hey Sassy, I got a serious serious serious serious question for ya babe. I read that profile and i got a serious question for your fly phat ass
Me: A'ight, shoot
Me: waiting waiting, youth wants to know!
Chrstnafamm: THATS WHAT I INTEND ON DOING BABE. I HEAR YOU TALKIN BUT CAN YOU HANDLE BIG COCK
Me: what are you doing, taking a poll?
Me: today's question, 'can you handle a BIG COCK?'
Chrstnafamm: YEAH
Chrstnafamm: LOL
Me: i handle BIG DICKS all the time
Me: big dicks are always IMing me for one stupid thing or another
Me: like i don't have better things to do
Me: most of them are not only big dicks, they are dumbasses, too
Chrstnafamm: YOU SOUND LIKE YOU NEED TO TAKE ONE OF THEM BIG DICKS UP ON A DAMN RIDE OR TAKE A CHILL PILL FOR REAL.
Me: no, i dont think id ride any of these big dicks, some of them are quite small...
Me: so you have a short dick, is this your damage?
Me: mr crankypants?
Chrstnafamm: YOU MUST BE ABOUT 15YEARS OLD TALKIN THAT SHIT
Me: you must be about 15 years old asking women if they can handle a big cock
Me:    so you are trying to extrapolate how much coochie you would be getting if you had a big one, from the poll results, right?
Chrstnafamm: BABE YOUR PROFILE SAYS ONE THING AND YOU ARE DOING A DANCE BETTER THAN MICHAEL HIMSELF RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE MISREPRESENTING I OUGHT'A RUN YOU IN FOR FALSE ADVERTISING!!!!!!!!!!
Me: what am i advertising?
Me: both hands on the keyboard... pull up the profile and read carefully
Me: might want to let the erection subside so all the blood from your BIG COCK gets back into general circulation and up to yer brain, eh?
Me: where does it say " IM me and tell me all about your big cock"?
Me: hmmmmmmm?
Me: waiting
Chrstnafamm: OK BABE YOU HAVE SUCCESSFULLY DEFEATED ME IN TALKING BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!! BYE
Me: toodles!

StormyIL69: pete ,31
Me: pete, MARRIED, 31
StormyIL69: thats nice
Me: thats what your profile says
StormyIL69: i know, ask me anything
Me:    ok...why do guys IM *me* then tell me to 'ask them anything' ?
Me: it happens more often then you would think
Me: and frankly, i dont understand it.
StormyIL69: i just wanted to start talking, give a few please
Me: ooooooookay

Wjfs1621: yoyur profile says you are a cute fat chick....have a pic to prove it?
Me: and i have to prove something to you because.....?
Wjfs1621: not a thing....but i always challenge gals who say they are cute.....
Me: why, you like pissing off women you dont know?
Wjfs1621: not at all,,,,,but it doesn't seem uhhh modest,,,,you know?
Me: im not modest, or subtle, or tactful, nor have i ever claimed to be
Wjfs1621: i guess not...and....you don't want to send me a pic either.....huh?
Me: wow, you're good
Wjfs1621: open and curious too....bye
Me: toodles!

XPRAGNESHX: sup grl send me ur pic
Me: first of all, NO
XPRAGNESHX: y not
XPRAGNESHX: i send u mine
Me: Don't tell me what to do
Me: I'll send you my pic when I'm damn good and ready.
XPRAGNESHX: kkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
XPRAGNESHX: i m so sowwi

Bigpimpingr19: do u have a pic
Me: lots
Bigpimpingr19: may i see please
Me: u like? ;-)
Bigpimpingr19: is that really u
Me: why do you think its not?
Bigpimpingr19: i am not sure send me some more please
Me: only have the one
Me: u dont like? :-(
Bigpimpingr19: its okay
Bigpimpingr19: u told me u had lots
Me: well i ment liek ummm you know my dog and sunsets n stuff
Bigpimpingr19: ok
Me: so where is yrs, hm?
Me: hey no fare send yrs

magic3132: what's up sexy girl? panty check 22/m/mich
Me: you are wearing panties??
Me: wtf?
magic3132: no
magic3132: are u?
Me: do you wear womens panties often?
Me: do you prefer thong or granny ones
Me: i imagine thong would cut into the balls
Me: having yer balls sliced in half vertically...that would HURT
Me: right up the seam
Me: ouuuuuuuuch
Me: can you imagine that??

MNYPT79: any pics???
Me: no pics for you! im the pic nazi!
MNYPT79: ok sure whatever

MR LANCK: mr big here
Me: ms 'not interested but thanks anyway' here

Peoplez3113: hi
Me: hi
Peoplez3113: a/s/l pic?
Me: send me yours first, i dont wanna waste my time talking to no short fat ugly man

doitup200: hey
Me: yes?
doitup200: just saw your near ann arbor
Me: yep!
Me: you?
doitup200: ann arbor
Me: cool
doitup200: what r u up to tonight
Me: elaborate on the 'no answer' for marital status, please
doitup200: not married
doitup200: well
Me: yes?
Me: me neither
doitup200: what r u up to
Me: chatting, fending off sex fiends and perverts
Me: did i say something wrong?

extrashag: lets work on stimulating your mind well get to the rest later lol
Me: cute
Me: how about stimulating your wife? maybe you should work on that.

Musclehead: hi, my pictures are on my profile
Me: so which branch of science are you getting your masters in?
Musclehead: biologu
Musclehead: biology
Me: what is your thesis on?
Musclehead: i am going for my master in teaching
Me: so your masters will be in teaching, or in biology?
Musclehead: do you have a picture?
Me: you know...if you are going to lie, you really should research out your story beforehand.
Musclehead: i am not lying
Me: so answer the question
Me: pleeeeeeeeeeeease
Me: Me: so your masters will be in teaching, or in biology?
Musclehead: i am going for master in teaching, my major is science and my minor is biology
Me: usually a masters in teaching is an M.Ed.
Me: in science it is a MS
Me: or so i thought
Musclehead: those are the ones you know doesn't mean there aren't anything out the
Musclehead: do you know any science?
Me: lots
Me: care to quiz me?
Musclehead: love to
Me: what is a sessile porifera?
Me: what is taxonomy?
Me: who was Linnaeus?
Me: what are gametes?
Musclehead: you did not believe me in the begining but its my turn now
Musclehead: study of naming and classification
Musclehead: let me ask you
Me: anyway... its been fun. might want to work on your background story a little...thanks for the laugh.

rumblehed: : if I called you a stupid fucking whore would you A-ignore me B-call me stupid C- cry D- sit on my head and agree E-sit on my head and agree and fart
Me: hmmm, heres a hint...
(Option A; I ignored him.)

ts_pepo: hell
Me: hell to you to
ts_pepo: how r u?
Me: k n u?
ts_pepo: ur pic is cute!!
Me: ty
ts_pepo: r u busy?
ts_pepo: or ?
Me: mb dpns wht u wnt 2 tlk abt
ts_pepo: sex!!
ts_pepo: if u like?
Me: you want to talk about sex?
Me: go fuck yourself. hows that?